I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
