I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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