and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm too high and old for this...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
