I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
