Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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