i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
