Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I cut my penus on the lid.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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