where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
