Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
