Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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