I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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