everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
