I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
