Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
