Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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