NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
