just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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