the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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