I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
