I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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