Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
