we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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