Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
