Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
As shirtless as possible
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
my penis made a compromise with my morals
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize