The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
