puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
