So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
