dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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