I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
