Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
