you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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