just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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