It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Those nachos came to me in a dream
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
