Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
