to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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