Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
