There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We were destined to go to rehab together
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
