It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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