I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
