Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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