I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
