Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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