my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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