I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize