I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
