i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
