i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
