I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
