I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
