Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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