Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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