The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
