Jerry, you need to find god
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
