I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
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