No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
tell me about the fingering
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