well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
