my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
