we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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