"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
