I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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