you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
