You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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