Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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