life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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