The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
