Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize