you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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