While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
