Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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