what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
