It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
