she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
